Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Weighloss Wednesday: Why Lose Weight?

I think everyone had their own personal reasons for wanting to lose weight. My reasons may not be the same as yours, but I thought it would be good for me to list my reasons - so that when I just do not want to drag myself to the gym or go on a walk, I can remember this list. I guess I'm hoping it will be a motivator for me.

I've struggled with my weight since I was about...8 years old. EIGHT YEARS OLD!!! Looking back at pictures, that seems to be when it all started. I was tall and skinny until then - and then for some reason, the weight just started packing on. Back then (16 years ago) they didn't have the selection of plus size clothes that they do now, so by the time I was about 10 or 11, I had to shop in the MEN'S section for most of my pants.

Once I got into junior high (7th grade), I decided to go out for track. I did track in 8th grade also, and then in 9th grade I made it onto the basketball team. By the time I was in 9th grade, I was down to a size 10 or 12! I looked awesome! If I do say so myself! :) Though, I have to be honest here. Looking back, I think I had a little bit of an eating disorder. Most of that weight loss was because I was really only eating 1, sometimes 2 meals a day. But, that's not the issue here, lol.

I think most of my weight gain since then has been because of emotional and stress eating. We moved to Utah right in the middle of high school - the summer before my Junior year. I had to leave all of my friends, my mom had just gotten remarried, and I did NOT want to start a new school. I tried out for basketball again, but my new school was VERY cliquish and I didn't make the cut. In fact, the coach told me he didn't want me on the team because he didn't know me. Not even caring about the fact that I totally whopped on the girl that was supposed to be the best. Anyway, I digress again.

Since I wasn't playing basketball, I decided to get a job. I didn't really have any friends, so I didn't want to spend all my time alone. As a high school kid, pretty much the only place that will hire you is fast food restaurants, so I started working at Taco Time. Again, I still didn't have many friends to speak of, so I worked full-time after going to school all day. Eating fast food every day was NOT good for my waistline. By the time I graduated, I was back up to a size 16/18. In 3 short years, I'd gotten fat again!

Since high school, the weight has just continued to slowly pile on. I worked in fast food for another year, and then started working in an office. Even though I wasn't surrounded by food all day, I wasn't moving around as much. I met my husband in 2004, and by that time, I was probably a size 18/20.

By the time we were married in 2006, I was about a 22. Now, almost 4 years and 1 child later, I'm wearing a size 26. Do you have any idea how much I hate myself right now? I really can't blame it all on pregnancy. I only gained 7lbs over the course of my pregnancy and my son was 7lbs 9oz. I actually left the hospital weighing less that I did before I got pregnant!

There were some major emotional issues that popped up while I was pregnant. My husband got into some legal trouble and I know it weighed heavily on me. They're not anything that I was to get into right now (since that isn't what this post is about), but the things that were going on were a huge contributor to my stress level and emotional eating.

I've watched my mom struggle with her weight her whole life. She's gone as far as to have a gastric bypass about 10 years ago, but even since then, it's still been a roller coaster for her. Right now she's really struggling. I DON'T want to be like that. I don't want to have my child(ren) watch me suffer and struggle with my weight. I don't want them to have issues because of me. I don't know if it's directly related to my mom, but she's struggled with her weight her whole life and so have myself and my two sisters. Coincidence? I don't know. But I feel like if I can really get it under control now, then my children will have a better chance of being healthy themselves.

I also want to have more children, but I don't want to be fat while doing it. While I was pregnant with my son, I never got comments about how cute my belly was. Why? Because I was fat to begin with! Even my best friend told me, "You didn't get big when you were pregnant. You could hardly tell you were pregnant. You were so lucky!" Lucky? Umm, no I was just too fat to tell, lol! I don't have a problem with gaining weight while I'm pregnant, but I want to have a cute little baby bump! It's hard to have a baby bump when you're fat. I also know that having children at my size puts me at an increased risk for complications. Things like high blood pressure, gestational diabetes, etc would be harder to ward off. Even while I was pregnant with my son, my BP started steadily rising after about 20 weeks. I was induced at 39 weeks because it was getting too high and they were afraid of pre-eclampsia. After my son was born, I nursed for 16 or 17 months. The first 12 months he was exclusively breastfed and trying to eat less or work out more made my milk supply decrease, which meant my son had less to eat. I couldn't do that to him and didn't want to have to buy formula, so I stuck with breastfeeding and just gave up trying to lose weight. Sad, huh? Anyway, I want to have more children, but I'm not going to do it until I'm healthier.

I also don't feel attractive anymore. I HATE how I look and I HATE looking in the mirror. All I see is fat! It's quite depressing. My husband tells me all the time how good I look or that he still finds me extremely attractive, but all I can do is think, "Yeah, right!" I have no idea how someone could be attracted to someone who looks like me. Logically, if our roles were reversed any my husband was overweight, I wouldn't think any less of him or be any less attracted to him. I just can't believe that he would feel that way about me. He's never told me that he think any less of me or even that he thinks I'm fat. So me wanting to lose weight is not because my husband wants me to, it's because I want to. I want to feel attractive and look good!!! Is that so much to ask?

The biggest reason though, is so that I can just be healthy and have more energy. I don't have near the amount of energy I should. I don't have the energy to run around and play with my son like I want to. I dislike walking anywhere (instead of driving) because I get worn out. I know that if I don't get my weight under control soon, I'm going to have a myriad of health issues to deal with. I don't want to deal with all of that!!!

I want to be healthy, feel better, and look good!! I can do it!

For a woman that is 5'11", I should be between 139.5 - 170.5lbs. Right now, I'm at *cringe* 325lbs. That means I need to lose AT LEAST 155lbs - and that's only to barely get into the "ideal range". Yikes! If that's how much extra weight I'm carrying around, that means I'm carrying around 1 whole extra person! How sad is that?

If you're interested in calculating your ideal body weight, I used this website. In a nutrition class I took, we were given the following equation for finding your ideal body weight range.

Allow 100lbs for the first 5 feet, then add 5lbs for each additional inch over 5 feet. Your ideal range is +/-10% of that number.

Allow 110lbs for the first 5 feet, then add 6lbs for each additional inch over 5 feet. Again, the ideal range is +/-10% of that number.

But the calculator that the above website uses is totally easier and hurts my head a little less. And it was totally accurate compared the equation. It told me I should be 155 (100 + (11 x 5) = 155) and I was able to derive the range from that.

Anyway, hopefully remembering this post and referring to it will help keep me motivated and on the right track. How much do you have to lose? What do you do to keep yourself motivated? Do you put pictures (of your skinny- or overweight-self) up? Leave notes for yourself to find? What works for you?

1 comment:

  1. You go girl! I know you can do it. Be there for your family for a long time.


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